Transformation Tuesday – Frustrated edition

For my #TransformationTuesday, I’m going to take a minute to be real. I have desperately been wanting to lose weight, in the past year I’ve gained 10-15lbs – and not in the positive, defined muscle way.
No matter what I do or how clean I eat, I can’t lose the fluff.
My stress level at work is THROUGH THE ROOF without any clear sign of easing up. My workouts have been hit and miss. I ALWAYS swim unless we get canceled due to lightning (aka yesterday morning, SO dumb). I’ve been doing more weight lifting lately (which I walked away from when I started triathlon training). But weight training gets Danny in the gym working out with me so I’ll do it. Plus I like lifting heavy things.
As far as doing a Beachbody program…I’ve started, and restarted and basically get about 4 weeks in before something throws it off track and I need a restart. Really the only thing I’ve done consistently is swim.
With the eating…It’s not a terrible baseline – shakeology post workout, egg white omelette breakfast, protein bar mid morning, decently balanced lunch, mid-afternoon snack, decent dinner, post-workout protein shake.
Now sometimes there might be a donut – or two since we’re being real – subbing the protein bar. And sometimes I might eat a bag of white cheddar Pirate Booty as dinner instead of something balanced. But about 80% of the time, I’m hitting my macros and doing some sort of workout and I just.keep.getting.fluffier.
So. Some of you might be reading this thinking “this is so me” and some of you might be thinking “GTFO Kim, you aren’t trying hard enough”. Could I eat cleaner? Absofrickinglutely. And I’m working on it. Yesterday was super clean, but I only managed to get in ~1200kcal with a 350kcal burn – not good. Today I’m working on more kcal intake. More water. More movement.
I’m frustrated. I’m sad. I’m borderline depressed about it. I’m lost.
I do NOT love this body right now. Some of you are probably dying to have a body like this – and that was NOT meant in the narcissistic way, but we’re all at different stages of our journey. I look at fitter women and desire to have a body like theirs, it’s just a cycle.
I hate that I work and I portion and I plan and I fail. So the next logical step is to hit up a doc and see if there’s some screwiness with my hormones. The lady doc thinks there is but she’s not my PCP so now it’s time to play that revolving door game.
I just wanted to get that out there. I’ve been holding it in and keeping it silent, but it’s time to share. It’s time to let you guys know that I’ve been feeling like a failure and that I definitely can’t inspire anyone when I don’t like looking at myself.
Sometimes you’re transformations aren’t the butterfly and rainbow types, but self realization and growth is always a positive transformation.

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